I am Raucous!

2012-01-28T12:53:00.002+08:00

Tired of the world..

Foie Gras

2012-01-13T21:40:00.000+08:00

What the fuck am i doing here????? It's like I'm lost in another dimension when i enter this realm. My idea of a perfect world is immediately shattered once I dedicate my 8 hours to voluntary-enslavement. Take note: Voluntary. Not one of those force fed ducks (in order to make em fat, thus creating a fatty liver, commonly known as foie gras, or fatty liver from fattened duck or goose! Ouch!)

I used to find my job interesting and fun and challenging (which I like). But, since the arrival of our new boss, things seem to have shifted from fun to prison-fun = no fun. It's like a fun roller coaster ride turn final destination-ish sort of roller coaster ride. Scary!

Though I am thankful for every breath I take and every colour I experience and for this opposable thumb, I cannot help but to have the urges of wanting to do more in life and give back as well. And, it is only natural for my survival instinct to kick in as soon as I feel threaten by this new menace (my new boss).

Now I just need to stand this for a while until I get a better opportunity..if only I remembered where i left my CV..

Dislocated

2012-01-10T21:42:00.000+08:00

Like dislocated femur from the pelvic bone. Kinda like what I am experiencing now. Here. Its's like a different world in FB nowadays. For a start, it/s virtual. Half of it is made up. the other half is reality. And reality is, my friends moved on. Most of them now post status such as " My little angel just enrolled for her first day of school." or " She just spoke her first word!"

I am very happy for them. Especially my grrls!! How time flies. It only seemed like yesterday when we were all messed up and there wasn't a care in the world. And now, we are brought up with responsibilities to take.

Aside from global warming currently boiling us up, another thing that boils me up is the fact that society is lame enough to determine the right/ripe age that we should be getting married. C'mon. 40 is like the new 30. Let me have my own way of doing things around here. Why can't they accept the fact that I am able to accept the fact that I am perfectly fine just the way I am at the moment.

I treat them as white noises. But I do think that we all need to re-set our thinking, just like we are able to format our PC when we know its corrupted. Wake up, your mind is corrupted with spider-webs from your grandmother's coffin. It might offend you when I say this, but vintage thinking is not in, only vintage is in.

Stop making weird faces or weird statements when I say I have a longggg wayyy to go.. because I do mean it. I am not condemning early marriages. I just want to have things my way in my own time. So, do't be soo quick to judge Grandma. Just accept the fact that some people are different from you. And different people lead different life. Just be happy for each other, or don't bother at all!

Phew..time to go enjoy my single, no-string-attached life!

darling just you and me

2012-01-08T15:37:00.002+08:00

ga-ga

2012-01-07T22:34:00.000+08:00

I am currently going ga-ga over his shoes!!!! Credits

you are awfsome

2012-01-07T20:58:00.000+08:00

Meet Mr. Muzzy (not mussels..).My sunshine. And also my enemy. I envy him sometimes. While I am full of detestation, he is otherwise. While I struggle to go against the current, he swiftly moves along with it. In other words, we are totally different. And that equation balances out all the pessimism and optimism.

Though he is a bit skeptic of my acts and decisions, and may snap as a riposte to my whims and impulse, it's all good in the end.

I hope it would very well be.

ah moi

2012-01-06T23:08:00.000+08:00

My old old old and best friend, Amoi..(and mmm...you know who in the background. OMG..Im fuckin fat!

See.. my friend has this weird riposte behaviour. She is one of the most impulsive person ever.

We would go on long distance road trip to Bekenu instead of our normal innocent naive plan to just have breakfast at the awesome Kg. nearby.

10 minutes drive will be converted to an hour drive just to find good organic produce.

Amoi is an enthusiastic cook. She absolutely loves to cook. That is where she pours her love and sincerity in.

Me, on the other hand, just loves to eat.. especially her awesome BBQ chicken wings..

Please..gimme more.

blabber

2012-01-05T22:16:00.001+08:00

OMG..I am officially 27 ( Physco-thriller background sound). I am scared of biologically aging..Honestly..And also, scared of what tomorrow brings me. Quite a bumpy ride for me this pass 2 years now..And yes, I am not as optimistic as I was yesterday, but still am. And yes, still on a quest to find happiness and purpose.

I think it is more of a journey than a destination. More of a discovery than an expectation.

We certainly have come a long way don't we? From an idealist to a realist ( well..50/50). From punk rock to thrash. And from green to semi-green..haha.. I am different now. Physically and mentally..But it kinda freaks me out in terms of physical well-being though.. Some of my friends have gone through rough times because of poor well-being and some even left us forever. So young yet so fragile. It reminds me of how precious life is. We are soo consumed of our earthly desires and whims and demands, that we forget about the little details and the utter most important thing in our life. Being able to savour life healthily.. You know very well what I mean.

STRESS in not good. TRANQUILITY is hard to come by nowadays. But how to find the balance? it is a journey i am slowly and calm-cool-ly trying to uncover. Help me with this will ya Muzzy?

Help, I am an impulsive spender

2011-12-24T22:58:00.000+08:00

I am guilty as charged. Yes, I am an impulsive buyer. I need to demotivate this impulse. Perhaps send mild electricity to stop this particular synaptic flashes from sending signals to my hands to grab anything that is on the counter. But I think that will have side effects to my brain activity. Maybe it will trigger Asperger's syndrom or cause me to stutter or go into mild seizure at any given time...that's kinda scary.

Maybe I'll just follow these tips: http://www.corebloggers.com/blog/save-money.html

Hello world..I am 27 ?(people think im 23..thats good enough)

2011-12-21T21:57:00.002+08:00

Hello world, ask me how I am doing today. Great. Just great. In the midst of all the earthly desires and worries currently plaguing my life, I am grateful to have lived up to now.

I have some things I am proud of, somethings I wish I never did, some things I miss..The thing I miss most are the friends and the scene, the lively and the ever controversial HC Punk scene. It is where I don't feel displaced, where being expressive (I scored expressive in my previous interview) is appreciated and where I can trully be myself.

But Miri ain't so bad. The pace is tad slower, but that is what i like about it. I like the people. I like the unity being displayed. It comes off naturally, not staged, like those 1 Malaysia posters Najib is parading.
Miri is where I would want to be to live of my life, trying to cross off my bucket-list. I also found great people here. Argghh..let's just say I'm in love with this forsaken place.

I have digressed far enough..Initially I wanted to tell the world how sucks it is to feel older (biologically) by the day. But when I weight it down with all the fun and beautiful experiences, I would say fuck these crow feets and fuck this deluging tummy! I got a life to live!

2011-12-18T21:13:00.000+08:00

I hate this picture. It constantly reminds me of how ugly I am.

bucketlist

2011-12-18T20:52:00.001+08:00

We are womyn with needs and desires to fulfill. My total selfless wish is for famine to end and for animal cruelty to reach an abrupt end. No, I am not running for any local beauty pageant nor am I running for DUN34 or the state assembly seat. Nope. It just bothers me to see such a staggering number of animal cruelty I see and hear everyday. And yes, I do feel guilty when I am chomping down on Prosperity burger and digging into my favorite chili cheese fries and letting my waistline deluge down to the sides of my jeans knowing that in Somalia, people barely eat luxuriously.

Well, I have a bucket list of things I need to do, things I want to do and things I wanna get my hands into.

1. I wanna study again. I hope I can start in the middle of next year.

2. Fill my head with happy thoughts and not be so pessimistic towards others as well.

3. Somehow be a better person. I am still trying to figure out this part.

4. Own a car sometime this year. Yeah, this is a selfish one. But I am only doing this to help out my family to ease their burden and indirectly jeopardizing mother earth with my increasing carbon footprint.

5. Get that bike I always wanted. I want to cycle to work. It is definitely easier. Helps reduce the muffin top I am currently plagued with.

And then, there are those long term plan:

6. Open up an animal shelter. I do hope I can do this perhaps in 10 years time when I have my own asset. I do hope by then I will have an understanding husband by my side who understands the cause of all this.

7. Haj. Yeah. Coming from me, it might be weird for some. But I do wish to enrich my spirituality and I think ultimate inner peace is found if I somehow can understand the true meaning of my existence.

8.Give the world to my parents and family. I hope that in the end, I can be content and be satisfied of what I have done and accomplish for myself and for my loved ones.

9. Have a room filled with my books.

10. ~~Found~~ Marry my soul mate and grow old and fat together.

Yeay..I already devised plans for some of these wishes..some are just like the weather..I do hope I can fulfill all these..Im starting to get bored of living..it's just an ugly world we're living in..

Fuckin' Gorg'

2011-12-15T22:01:00.000+08:00

Okay, so here's a little dirty secret. Well, an embarrassing secret. I am in love with a Korean Series, My Girlfriend is a Gumiho!!

There, I said it..Now I am forever not that macho! (as if I ever was)

I am head over heels over the Gumiho character and secretly hate her because she's fucking adorable! Move over Muzzy, I am in love with Shin Min-ah.

WTF

2011-12-14T21:03:00.000+08:00

I don't know if I was doing the right thing when I unintentionally extorted our General Manager following the offer I got form another company. Of course, in the end, I got a fair raise, but I am not sure if I can tolerate my current boss any longer. He sure brings out the worst in me, out in the public, laid down to the management.

I hate working. Never did like it. But, I have to accept the fact that most of the things in life don't really go the way we would want it to be. An idealist can never really bring his/her ideas into reality. If it was possible, then sign me in that Utopian nation. My idea of a Utopian nation would a world where everybody has to work for food. Not in a bad way, but through farming, agriculture, taking only what we need, harvesting only what we need. When you don't need to work, that eliminates the possibilities of having a superior, or a boss, or worse, a stupid boss!

But when you are faced with one, mixed emotions and riposted actions will take place. And the repercussions of this often bad reflex are dire. As for me, I am somewhat viewed as a rebellion, which is quite flattering for me. hahaha. I can never respect someone who has little respect for others anyway.

But, now, i think Im starting to regret my decision to stay here and wished I did not reject the other offer..FUCK!!!

Go plant a tree

2011-11-06T12:39:00.000+08:00

Sometimes you feel that the whole world is going against you. Like your world is slowly caving in. Like a vortex is swallowing you up a whole and there is nothing you can do about it.
Life is a crisis.
Life is a journey.
Life is just it.
We create a believe that everything is going to be okay in the end, but deep inside ourselves, we know its only the beginning of worse to come.
No, Im not lamenting about my deluging emotional thoughts and tendencies.
I'm talking about the fate of the world. Screw the fact that my boss is a dick. And screw the fact that I gained 4kg this year. Yes!!
Mother earth is on the brink of collapse and we are doing nothing but speeding up the process.
My dear friends, death is inevitable, even global warming. But please, help reduce the emission. Please help clean up. Even your cigarette but is a menace to mother earth.
I feel that everyone has a role to play. But I do think that to make a change, only the government can cause the most impact. If not or the world, at least for our own land.
Something needs to be enforced. Something simple like a safe, clean, efficient public transport can do wonders. Problem with people nowadays is that they are too embarrassed to take public transport. Another problem is because it is just to far to get to your destination from the drop point or the bus stop. And did I mention about the degrading truth about the rights of pedestrian in Malaysia, in Miri specifically? No fuckin pedestrian walk. I can't even ride my bike without shaking off the fear of being shoved by a 4-wheeler and end up a road-kill.
What the fuck is wrong with the country???
Please give me my pedestrian rites!!!
Now, we must do what we can, all we can, until the government do something about this little emission problem, we must reduce our carbon footprint, anyway we can. And we can start now, like now. like don't go out driving your car. Stay at home and go plant a tree o something. GO!

You know your FAT

2011-10-30T22:16:00.000+08:00

You know you're fat when:
1) You lie about your weight
2) You bumped into your old friend at the mall and she tells you;" I didn't know you were married! So, when are you due?"
3) You pinch your guts to see how much excess skin(and fat) you can grab on to every day.
4) You don't even have the guts to see yourself naked.
5) You opt for loose clothing over body hugging ones.
6) You're gasping for air like a fish out of water, after going up the stairs ( and it was only 1storey up).
7) Your jeans (shirt, dress, you name it) seem to be tighter than they were last time.
8) Your childhood friend hardly recognizes you anymore.
9) Your boyfriend brings you out on an outdoor activity sort of date.
10) Somebody just called you FAT!

WTF

2011-10-22T12:57:00.000+08:00

Drenched in my own sweat, I braved to settle this scheduled waste-thingy at the office.
I used to say to my friend's:

Only crazy dudes works on weekends!!

Orang gila jak keja ari weekend, pok!!

Now I am one of those crazy, sorry-ass dudes..WTF

I ought to

2011-10-18T21:25:00.000+08:00

This nondescript landscape I am in makes me stale
Stale as the air in this poorly ventilated cubicle
I need to feed these neurons with electrifying shocks
And fly to a beautiful terrain
Change this ominous environs into promising ones
I should

Ouch

2011-10-17T21:34:00.000+08:00

Banging your knuckles on the wall seems like heaven and a logical sort of escapism at times.
Beats cutting yourself anyway.
I think, the only reason people do that is because it reminds them of how much calmer you feel when you are physically hurt, rather than emotionally hurt.
Sounds logical right?
Insane?
Maybe its not normal for you and me but it is for them.
When crying doesn't make the pain go away, physical pain will.
I wish I can make pain go away easily like makeup.
Just wipe it off with a makeup remover..and the pain will go away...
At the moment I can only wish...
And hope..

And hurt myself..(kidding on this part)

Invi mode

2011-10-15T23:21:00.000+08:00

At times I wish I was invisible.
So that I can hear what I am to you.
And what I am not.

Un-awfsome #1

2011-10-11T20:48:00.000+08:00

Apparently at the office this morning, somebody has gone all corny for dinner. Suicidal tendencies shrouded my mind when I saw what appears to be corns floating freely in the toilet bowl..now that is sooo unawfsome..

More than words bro!

2011-10-02T15:10:00.000+08:00

In the middle of all the hectic and momentum going on..im still trying to figure out this..
Man, this is hard enough for me...but I need this jump..to keep me from getting bored of guitar..Self-thought at 27 does not make it easier. These neurons are rusty. The need to be kicked start and jump-start to unleash the creativity and the capability that I think everyone has.

Speaking of which, I think i have lost. My desire for creativity and learning seem to fade with time. Perhaps it is because I am slowly turning into a mindless materialistic zombie. Wont let that happen though.

See how it goes..

Mr Potato is coming to town

2011-09-26T14:07:00.000+08:00

I am worn out.
Mentally
& Physically.

This new environment, this new territory, all so foreign to me. Yet I am adapting. We are after all, the master of adaptation.
If we do not adapt, we try to. We create, We innovate, we destroy. That is human nature. Greedy and self-centered. We were programmed to. It is our survival skill.
And some, are just born to annoy the fuck out of you. Take for example Mr. Somet. He is actually my superior. He resembles the Mr. Potato, minus the Mexican attire. And yes, given the chance, I would love to shove some Mr. Potato down his throat and up his gut.
Because, just because he is a fuckin fascist, sexist and demeaning. He takes the best out of you and shoves in it the toilet so that no one can ever realise just how much potential you really have.
Why?
Why does he need to do that?
Well, he likes the glimmer and the glitter. He breathes and shits pride. And he wont let anyone try to jeopardise that.
Well, I hate him, especially today. He made me had to return to Miri, in spite of the fact that I am in Bintulu for the supossedly internship program. That was my only chance to get myslef exposed and he ruined it. I gotta say, although I may sound childlish, I dont give a fuck.
I hate Mr Somet.
There, I said it.
Phew...

All my life

2011-09-16T22:34:00.000+08:00

All my life I struggled to understand the truth behind all the lies that is abundant.
All my life I wonder why cruelty is such a grim reality.
And all my life I ponder on the utopian peaceful world.
All my life I yearned..

Which way again?

2011-09-09T22:24:00.000+08:00

It is one of those days again.
I feel inflated.
I feel empty.
I feel void.
I feel helpless.

Am I doing this right
Am I making the right decision
Am I going the right way

Am I trully happy?

Fascist?Racist?

2011-09-09T22:11:00.002+08:00

LOST

2011-07-24T17:45:00.000+08:00

I wonder if this void could ever be filled
I wonder if I could ever have the strength
To migrate and move on

Scared of what tomorrow will bring me
If I took that road I always yearned to
Yet have no guts to

I wonder
If all of this is true sometimes
With you and me side by side
I wonder if we could make it through

This wilderness
Creates ambiguity
Shrouding my senses

I wonder if I could make it out alone?

SOMET

2011-07-16T22:05:00.000+08:00

This has been a hectic week so far. With the HSSE Campaign launching over, you can only imagine the relief I am experiencing at the moment. It is bliss at its best. HSSE Campaign launching was mediocre at its purest form. Hastily done, it was a disaster and riposted some wry comments from audience and clients.

Who to blame?
Partly..I do blame my self. But the rest is already history, so I am already fucked up anyway..

With our new 'boss' apointed ever so suddenly, things went from worse to a total hellish nightmare.

This moustache-chy dude is nothing but the epitome of dudgeon and this too has taken toll on my tolerance level towards jack-asses and despots.

Gimme a break will ya..cant beliee this dude is getting paid for being nothing but an ass kisser!

What the fuck?!!

You boss people around and you dont even know what a GFT is (someone in the line of HSSE would know this basic and very common acronym) and you're actually getting paid for being a dumb-ass? What has gotten into people today...sheessshhh...

Help..get me out of this fuckin mess..I hate you SOMET dude..

If it aint yellow it aint clean

2011-07-08T23:31:00.000+08:00

Scrub it till its squeaky clean people.
Scrub.
Scrub.
Scrub.
Coz if it aint yellow, it aint clean.

You know what, the thing with authorities is that it actually defeats its purpose. I think that authorities should protect the people of the country, instead of the government itself. Face it, if we are a bunch of happy people, I dont think anyone of us would even consider threatening the government.

Sadly, we are not a happy bunch. We are disgruntled, upset and tired bunch of people. Tired of being pushed around, denied, muffled, tied and unheard of. This tiresome bunch manifested itself in different guises. Some go into ignorance mode while others turn aggresive.

Its like a disease. except that there is nothing wrong with the vegetables and lima beans, only something wrong with the government. Thus a new epidemic is unleashed. And out come the unhappy bunch.

Focus people, focus!

Please focus on the real issue. This goes for all. We are now oppressed by a bunch of oligarchs armed with their uniform-wearing dogs.

Better watch out..or better still, watch this!

Kill me I am tired

2011-07-08T22:54:00.000+08:00

I never thought I would say this (actually I did with my previous job), but work has certainly taken its toll on me.
I am worn out, soo badly. Worse than your acid-wash jeans, which wasn't acid wash to begin with. Imagine that for a change.

I can't manage people let alone events! Gig, that's different. That's fun. HSSE Campaign? MMM.. not soo sure bout that one bro..where is the fun when you are juggling chainsaw, hammer and nun-chucks at the same time!! This is one job that lets me be a juggler and a police at the same time. Juggling works and people expecting me to turn them to the management when I caught them doing unsafe acts. Nice!!

Well, enough of the complaining.It is not gonna get me anywhere near success. I do believe in the so-called silver lining. And i do believe that this storm shall pass. The only storm that isn't gonna pass is the global warming people! So, just walk the talk or just do whatever it is that pleases you. coz in the end we are all gona be fossils.

I do not see any significance in all of this..kill me im tired..

PT.eat.ma.short.s

2011-07-04T22:00:00.000+08:00

Im trying to look at life from different perspective and guises
Soo far all I see is this big chunk of wall blocking my way forward.
Yes, that chunk of wall is my debt..my F.uck.ing debt.
This PTPTN issue is really getting on my nerves.
The never ending issuance of the warning letter in spite of all my efforts to write in and start paying.
These people really need to update their system instead of slacking around face-booking all day.
PTPTN, eat my shorts!
I hate you and your stupid ads and commercials.
Gimme a break..Kacang Lupakan Kulit??
Try cutting down your service charge and your interest rate la bro...
Then you can talk about us being nuts and our forsaken skin.
By the way, I dont think you even deserve the service charges.
You are not capable of updating my payment status.
The only thing you do know is updating your FB's.

Moral of story: I hate PTPTN.
sekian terima kaseh.

Just maybe

2011-06-17T21:13:00.000+08:00

I know for a fact that I am lacking in all the good quality that a person should posses. I tend to snap and make assumptions of people's reaction before they even have the time to react. This action causes dire consequences. All my assumption eats me up inside. Making me bitter towards someone at times. They are times I felt hurt simply because of the 1001 assumptions made up in my head.

Maybe I need to chill.
Maybe I need to figure out what's wrong with me.
Maybe I need therapy.
Or, maybe I just need you to understand and tolerate this dysfunctional side of me?

Maybe I just need a nap..

My first

2011-06-08T14:27:00.000+08:00

It has been sometime hasnt it?

I ve been busy lately with all things unecessary.

At the moment I am in Bintulu. My first outstation trip. I kinda like it. No prying eyes. No superior. Just me and my buddy, Ann.

Sleep...

Of death and you

2011-05-23T22:00:00.000+08:00

Sometimes life can be overwhelming it shuts you down
Where we go nobody knows
Reality is as real as death
Inevitably painful

But you make it soo much easier

Its a bad bad day..

2011-05-16T22:34:00.000+08:00

Its a bad bad day..
Feeling crappy today
My visions blured
Swollen face obscured
My already trampled confidence
My endurance
Kept me going
Feels so annoying
Like flies
Sticking in my eyes
Im no hedonist
But money is a must
Now its a scarce
Im drowning fast
And bad hair day
Made its way
To obscure my day
But not the sun
Melting the fun
Its no longer fun
In the sun
Its a bad bad day
But at least you made my day..

Corny one

2011-05-15T22:22:00.000+08:00

You
inspire me to write
ignite my senses
fuel my appetite
make me laugh
laughed at me
let me punch your guts
punched me back
made me crave
craved just as much
are ethereal
are gravity
are..my sunshine

Afsomeness #27

2011-05-15T22:09:00.000+08:00

Dude..I ate this really awesome ice cream..I immediately screamed-you screamed-we screamed-ICE CREAM!

Awfsomeness #

2011-05-15T22:03:00.000+08:00

Going out with my Hun and having a blast..inspite of the Red EYE!

Emancipated

2011-05-15T22:01:00.000+08:00

Before..I was skeptic about being honest to certain people in my life. Afraid of revealing myself, as I was afraid of what people might perceive of me..Afraid of being happy and moving on because I was so scared I'd hurt someone.

But now, I am relieved to know that moving on is no longer a move only I made after that fateful day. Before I was soo worried, but now I am emancipated. Before I was afraid, now I am happy. Genuinely.

Life is a gamble..take risks...

By the way..meet my Mr. Sunshine..

Running

2011-04-15T21:02:00.000+08:00

I am now officially a slave for some big cheap ass company. It has been a month now and I have made it through this ordeal.

So far everything is going well. I am adjusting better here, unlike the first time around.

As for the people, I think they're a fine bunch!

Don't ask me about the pay though. It kinda sux but anything will do for now. I need all the experience and knowledge I can get. This is opportunity in disguise.

Life is a blessing in disguise. I kinda hit rock bottom last few years. Who knew, the bitter palette of life would turn sweet and savory in the end.

Hitting rock-bottom has thought me the value of life.
It thought me that good things sometimes lurks within the darkest of matter. Kinda like anti-matter ( a geek would know this).
It thought me that through the darkest of days, you will get through, with a little strength and support ( you know who you are people).
It thought me never to lose faith, even for a second.
It thought me to appreciate and value.
And he thought me to trust again.

The rush is the same as making it through the last obstacle and running toward the finishing line, with wind brushing your face and the rush of adrenalin pushing you forward.

I hope that this year will bring me loads of awfsome experience and help me find my own in the process.

Running..as fast as I can..for the breeze seem to free my soul..

Are men in uniform's sexy?

2011-04-09T23:47:00.000+08:00

Shortened

2011-03-15T21:59:00.000+08:00

Now that our days are getting shorter by 1.8 microsecond due to the 8.9 magnitude earthquake, I think I can go home a bit earlier from the office.

A new chapter has begun

2011-03-14T23:20:00.000+08:00

I am nervous as fuck about tomorrow. I hate starting over. I hate new environment. I hate having to make new friends...because I am not good in this sort of shit. I suck in it! Especially mingling...aaagghhh... I am dreading even the thought of it.

Lets just hope tomorow will be a good one..just like today...

You only live once

2011-03-13T23:31:00.002+08:00

Awfsomeness #25

2011-03-13T23:24:00.001+08:00

Hanging out with luved ones and enjoying awfsome barbeque by the beach!

It has been a while

2011-03-09T20:55:00.002+08:00

It has been quite a while since I last listen to them..

aaaah..so serene rite?

mm..ahh..feels good

2011-03-06T23:19:00.000+08:00

I guess life does seem easier when you stop caring about this mother shitload of worries and fuckers around.

Worries.

Worries..................worries...I can name you 10 in a breath (c'mon..dare me!) but then I would come up with 10 more..

GLOBAL-WARMING-ACNE-GADAFFI-MONEY-INTERVIEW-MUFFIN TOP-HEALTH-SUGAR CRAVING-LOVE LIFE (all in a breath yo!)

And then there are fuckers, bitches. you know, people who deliberately and literally lives to make your life a shitty one.

Hey you..

go fuck yourself.

Maybe that will make you happier and gets your mind off about fucking people around.

I plan to exterminate this cunning and surprisingly charming colony by concoting a form of pesticide which attack the fertility of this colony thus making them barren. This, in turn, will slowly decrease the population of these fuckers, unless the have somehow evolved into parthenogenesis reproduction instead. Where is the fun in that?

But then, I realised I wasnt that good in chemistry and decided to treat them merely as white noise and most of the time simply ignoring their existence.

And yes, it did me good. Its one of those feel-good moments. Kinda like sipping hot tea or finding out that you have a crumpled RM50 in your jeans kinda feeling.

So, eat my shorts!

Ignorance is bliss..

Awfsomeness #24

2011-03-06T21:22:00.000+08:00

A perfect early morning jog equation:

Cool sea breeze + Warm morning sun + Awfsome stretch of the beach + Rad waves + Clean beach + Scene of people looking for bubok + A darling company + A nice hearty breakfast = Awfsomeness #24

Awfsomeness #23

2011-03-05T22:36:00.000+08:00

The sense of relieve to know that your loved one is going to be okay after all. Get well soon, Amoi!

Awfsomeness #22

2011-03-02T22:01:00.002+08:00

Discovering a new kind of feeling..and it does feel good

As far as the story goes

2011-03-01T23:02:00.000+08:00

Currently sleep deprived and experiencing body ache all over. This is the post-syndrome of an awfsome weekend of beaches and fun in the sun. I blame the deprivation from late night sleeps for 5 consecutive days..Good conversations are always an addiction..Good company are always a dire..So if you ever stumbled on one, make sure you appreciate every moment you have together.

By the way, I have compiled my current worries into a list in no alphabetical order for you to savor and remind yourself how lucky some of us can be and how some are just the epitome bad luck. Please read as if you are imitating Eminem.

Current worries : No job yo!
                         : No money yo!
                         : Slowly falling yo!
                         : Trust issues yo!
                         : Global warming makes my stomach churn yo!
                         : My tan lines are getting more obvious yo!
   : I am getting skinnier by the day yo!

Well, actually the list goes on and on..don't blame me for being soo ungrateful. Just blame the weather. And my insecurities about everything..

But..you know, sometimes the small details and happiness in our life compensates for everything that literally sux in this planet..I thank these small details for making my life a not soo bad ride in the end..

By the way..I have some pictures of my weekend trip to Peliau!! Enjoy..

Awfsomeness #21

2011-02-27T00:20:00.000+08:00

Having the most awfsome day out today..Went out with D and Mus and we went for a fun at the beach..Literally..

I couldn't ask for more..two best things mashed up together makes a perfect day out.

Beach + Awfsome friends = Fun!!

Awfsomeness #20

2011-02-25T14:53:00.000+08:00

can you get anymore mellow than this??

Awfsomeness #19

2011-02-24T22:45:00.000+08:00

Getting together with my awfsome friend and just talking about everything and nothing..

Awfesomeness # 18

2011-02-23T22:09:00.003+08:00

Buying 5 street burgers and getting another free one at a price of RM11. How cool is that?

Happyness

2011-02-23T22:07:00.001+08:00

You are like..

The sand between my toes
The pearl in my milk tea
The smell of fresh laundry
The smell of freshly baked cookies
The first prize winning lottery
The last train home
The perfect storm
First morning SMS
The sparkle in my eye
Melting cotton candy on my tounge
The summer day parade
The apple of my eye
The sun bursting through my window
The first smile of the day

You make my day..

Awfsomeness #17

2011-02-22T21:51:00.000+08:00

Getting compliments and people actually eating up all of my curry puffs!!yeay~

Gibberish

2011-02-19T21:41:00.000+08:00

okay, I don't know why I give a fuck in the first place but strangely enough I do...hmmm..

I guess the world works in its on mysterious ways..or was it my ego..I never could tell the difference..

oh well, tomorrow is a new day..

Awfsomeness #16

2011-02-19T15:57:00.002+08:00

Getting a post-valentine gift in spite of the fact that I am currently single

Believe

2011-02-19T15:52:00.000+08:00

We only want to hear what we want to
We only want to see what we want to
We want to believe soo bad

That we fail to see the true facade..

Awfsomeness #15

2011-02-18T20:50:00.000+08:00

A lovely night out watching the fireworks light up the night sky

Awfsomeness #14

2011-02-15T12:10:00.000+08:00

Having a mighty Mc-breakfast with my super-awfsome buddy, Daisy. And of course, drenching ourselves and indulging in the mighty glory and warmth of the morning sun!

Maulidur rasul

2011-02-15T12:02:00.000+08:00

To fellow Muslim friends, happy Maulidur Rasul. FYI, Maulidur rasul is actually the day we celebrate the birth of our Prophet Muhammad PBUH. The term Maulidur rasul itself means the birth of prophet which falls on the 12th day of Rabiulawal year of the elephant or according to the Gregorian calendar, on the 20th April 571.

And, FYI, he's an awesome person..

V-DAY

2011-02-14T21:22:00.000+08:00

From cheap-ass-made-in-china dolls and adorable cute key chains to fluffy love-shaped pillows and just about anything in between. The price of all of these love-related merchandises rocketed high up to cater for love-struck-hopeless-romantic fools just so that they can display their love for their partner in the form of object.

Valentine's Day is successfully commercialized and love, objectified..but heck..it's only for a day...Deal with it..

everyday should be filled with love

2011-02-13T23:12:00.002+08:00

Awfsomeness #13

2011-02-13T21:46:00.001+08:00

Having Kitkat and Snickers( my fav chocs, btw)-flavored ice cream with my currently favorite person to hang out with. Totally awfsome..two good things in a day..I couldn't ask for more.

Awfsomeness #12

2011-02-06T23:17:00.003+08:00

Getting together with favorite friends!

Im just quoting Paolo

2011-02-06T23:10:00.000+08:00

If one person really wants us, everyone does. But, if we’re alone, we become even more alone. Life is strange.
“Have you ever heard of the book called the I Ching?” I asked her.
“No, I haven’t.”
“It says that a city can be moved but not a well. It’s around the well that lovers find each other, satisfy their thirst, build homes, and raise their children. But if one of them decides to leave, the well cannot go with them. Love remains there, abandoned – even though it is filled with the same pure water as before.”
Love is always new. Regardless of whether we love once, twice or a dozen times in our life, we always face a brand-new situation.
Love can consign us to hell or to paradise, but it always takes us somewhere. We simply have to accept it, because it is what nourishes our existence. If we reject it, we die of hunger, because we lack courage to stretch out a hand and pluck the fruit from the branches of the tree of life.
We have to take love where we find it, even if it means hours, days, weeks of disappointments and sadness.
“You shouldn’t have asked,” I said. “Love doesn’t ask many questions, because if we stop to think we become fearful. It’s an inexplicable fear; it’s difficult even to describe it. Maybe it’s the fear of being scorned, of not being accepted, or of breaking the spell. It’s ridiculous, but that’s the way it is. That’s wy you don’t ask-you act. As you’ve said many times, you have to take risks.”
Wait. This was the first lesson I learned about love. The day drags along, you make thousands of plans, you imagine every possible conversation, you promise to change your behaviour in certain ways – and you feel more and more anxious until your loved one arrives.
But by then, you don’t know what to say. The hours of waiting have been transformed into tension, the tension has become fear, and the fear makes you embrassed about showing affection.
Love is like a trap. When it appears, we see only light, not its shadows.

2011-02-02T12:09:00.000+08:00

Looking forward on what today might bring me..

Wish

2011-01-31T22:30:00.000+08:00

Like waking up from an awesome sleep

That is what you are

Satisfaction..

Like soaking up the warmth of the morning sun

That is what you are

Contentment..

Exactly where I want to be

Awfsomeness #11

2011-01-31T11:50:00.002+08:00

Havin a blast hanging out with awfsome cousins!

Awfsomeness #10

2011-01-27T22:54:00.000+08:00

Getting a RM10 pan pizza for RM1!

Awfsomeness #9

2011-01-25T22:10:00.002+08:00

Being the last car making it thru the yellow light just before it turns red!

Awfsomeness #8

2011-01-24T21:39:00.003+08:00

Finally flying the kite!

Awfsomeness #7

2011-01-23T21:27:00.003+08:00

Rooting up weeds up to the root!

Awfsomeness #6

2011-01-23T15:20:00.001+08:00

Jogging pass people who overtook you in the first place.

My new Obsession

2011-01-23T15:11:00.000+08:00

KITE is the new obsession..okay.

Awfsomeness #5

2011-01-22T21:01:00.000+08:00

Trying (desperately) to fly a kite by the beach (in spite of the wind we failed!)

Awfsomeness #4

2011-01-22T11:11:00.000+08:00

Soaking up the morning sun

awfsomeness #3

2011-01-21T21:14:00.000+08:00

Hanging out with a wacky friend!

Awfsomeness #2

2011-01-21T21:04:00.000+08:00

Feeling the breeze of the sea sweeping thru my hair and face..nothing beats the beach! Thanks fren!

Awfsomeness #1

2011-01-21T21:02:00.000+08:00

Ever since being deaf for a week and finally having my hearing back yesterday, I cannot help but feel soo thankful and contented and at the same time awed by God's gift of senses. We never realise how much we take things for granted..until it is taken away from us.

Being deaf for a week has been a hellish week for me. Imagine being deaf for life! By the way, I was only deaf an ear. My left ear to be exact. And you know what, it did made me appreciate life and its little splendor more than I did before. It made me decide to write awesome moments everyday..and behold..awfsomenness #1!

Enjoying and savoring Mummy's home-cooked mee goreng!

me??

2011-01-12T22:58:00.002+08:00

Dude, I wrote this??I think my neurons are receding!!! Its amazing how intellectual level can steadily decrease when emotional roller coaster starts to take over..sighhh

enjoy..I wrote this in 2006

the fact that owning a coach handbag will immediately push u up the social ladder is rather incredulous, but true.
sad.
but true.
material is verry much prefered rather than virtue or intelect. this is rather a distrubing reality but no matter how we try to run from it, we may never get out of it or get rid of it. it is just part of the system that we are in.

but being autonomous in fashion can lead to a very dimd path. the basic law of prima facie is always prejudiced as it is always based on physical appearance alone, particularly garments and looks.
wear a matching handbag and shoe, wear a thick foundation and a verry berry lipstick, then you will be on top of the social ladder.
black sling bagwith pink converse shoes= middle class, no fashion sense kid.
even worse,
non matching garments=low ranking slaves.

this is not a pointless claim but rather a fact. im sure most of you have encountered or experienced such situation in which you are treated unequal to another beacuse of your physical or fashion traits.
like theory of relativism, it really depends on what situation or place you are in. in class, my lecturer always prefered prettier grrls and the more decently clothed ones. of course i do not fall in any one of the mentioned categories.
in a fancy restaurant, the waiter gives you a lousy service compared to the guy next to you in a nice bussiness suit and his samsonite briefcase.

face it, it is our societys propensity.
wealth is always prefered. beauty is always prefered.prestige is always prefered.
not intelect. not vitues. not benevolence.
its the raison d'etre to be materially rich instead of having a rich heart. ask trump and his apprentice. they will nod. people adore him. that wierd hairdo guy. as if it wasnt wierd enough, he has cash written all over him.he is a god of patented name. anything with trump emebedded on it actually sells. now thats sick. but enough of him.(i hate it when he says ur fired.)

im just expressing my dissatisfaction towards those who think that the latest coach handbag is an express highway up the social ladder or a raison d'etre. stop being narrow and mindless. i think that everyone deserves a little respect eventhough they are not materially enriched. this prima facie law should be insulated from our thoughts.only then that equality in terms of respect can be reached.

are you with me?
(just so u know...prima facie= based on first impression, at first sight
raison d'etre= purpose of life
propensity= tendency
autonomous= independent, able to make own decision)

2011-01-12T21:40:00.000+08:00

I wonder what sort of mistake i will be making tomorrow??

materialistic list 1

2011-01-08T22:21:00.000+08:00

1) Oxfords..

2) A bike..preferably electra Betty Cruiser..

3) More books!

4) Ipod touch please!

5) Guitar..please??

Perfect Love Story

2011-01-08T21:32:00.000+08:00

Okay, so it may not be prefect, but is sure is damn close, at least for now. Yes, it is an old movie. But I only stumbled upon it today, and I totally fell in love with it.

Whats not to love. A boy meets girl in a midst of an awesome gig. In a really awkward situation. Turns out he was the guy she fell in love with.

But, that is besides the point. I think I fell in love with the guy's character in the movie, Nick, played by Micheal Cera. I think I have a thing for awkward guys who digs music and doing their own thing. Like Nick does. And yeah, he is not homophobic, me like! Did I mention he carries wet wipes in his pocket? Err, I do that! And he 'Febreezes' his car! Err..I do that! And he loves the Cure! Who doesn't?? And yeah, he is totally head over heels when it comes to love...Awww..who doesn't love a hopeless romantic. That is something I can totally relate to.

Okay, now I sound a bit scarry..but hey, its just a day dream of the moment okay..don't spoil it! Just watch it!

Law of gravity

2011-01-08T15:33:00.000+08:00

If there weren’t such a thing as the law of gravity

We would all be scattered in the atmosphere

Free to go where we wanted to be

Recklessly floating on the freeway sky

If there weren’t such a thing as the law of gravity

The chaos theory would sure be a law

Where humans meet in the vast congested sky

With such beautiful collision

Thank you friends!

2011-01-06T20:33:00.001+08:00

Thank you friends for such awesome gifts!!

I really do appreciate it dudes!

I just want to say I am extremely happy and moved by all these gifts and wishes.

A verry special thanks to Amoi, Azy, Daisy, Jamie and Zairi!

pthese pics are prove i got ur gifts!u know who u r!

Positivity

2011-01-03T23:06:00.000+08:00

It is hard to be an optimist in the midst of a raging war between you and the world. But we can only hope that something good will come our way.

What we gained from pain and perseverance is what makes us stronger right? What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

And yeah, we learn from mistakes too. To forgive and forget. To let go. To ignore. To remove any unwanted distractions. There are just some things that we can't change. And there are things that we can never truly understand. And at the end of the day, we accept life as it is.

A beautiful collision..

2011 and meet the new love of my life!

2011-01-02T14:34:00.000+08:00

Hello 2011!

It is a new day. It is a new year. And hopefully a new hope!

I hope;

1) To get a job
2) To settle debts??hahah
3) To travel
4) To meet old friends
5) To try out kayaking in Sabah
6) To be more frugal
7) To be a better daughter?
8) To be a more optimistic person
9) To be better at guitar and drawing
10) To be happier?

Boleh ka?? Can I? I bet I could...Good luck to me! BTW, meet the new love of my life.

He is gay and Im okay!

2010-12-27T15:47:00.000+08:00

Okay, Mr Azwan Ismail is a man with balls. You gotta give him credits for being honest, ultimately opening up the truth about his orientation to the world and MALAYSIA. It took me sometime to write about this because I was surprised that some were still not fully aware about this dude.(like my sister la...living in a bunker!)

Honestly, I wasn't at all baffled by this. In case you have been living in a second world war bunker and just got out, being gay is normal my friend. It is as normal as the pervading stupid reality shows you guys watch everyday. And it is every bit of normal as you farting in front of your girlfriend or boyfriend. Why? It is nature my friend, nature.

Yes, I am a Muslim. And yes, I am pro-choice. Maybe its a contradiction for some but ultimately, in the end, we need to reflect back on ourselves and ask, who are we to judge and condemn him? I am sure, Mr. Azwan is old enough to think for himself about the repercussions of his actions. I do not support nor I condemn him because I believe that sexual orientation is not a choice and one is born with it. Only you can suppress or express it. After all, your body is your own rights, rite?? So, only you can change it.

I am a heterosexual.
Does that make me a better person?
I am a heterosexual.
Does that mean I am superior?
I am a heterosexual.
Does that mean I am right?

Correct me if I am wrong.
Enlighten my senses.
I am a Muslim. I believe in the good way of resolving things because Islam is about peace. Well, any religion for that matter. We are civilized people my friend. You don't just go around killing non-straight people. That is sooo Klu Klux Klan (KKK). And that is soo Hitler of you, my friend. Please, don't go around bludgeoning gays or any other minorities for that matter. We are not cavemen. We are civilized Malaysian. And mind you, 10 more years, and it is 2020. So, please lah..tolong lah...act like one!

As far as I am concerned, being gay is very normal. And I don't hate em one bit. As far as I know, they're just like us. The only difference and hype is, because Mr. Azwan announced it in You Tube and yes, because he is a Malaysian Muslim. So, good luck in your coming days Mr. Azwan. I praise you for your guts!

As for others who may not agree, please do respect my stand. He is a gay and I am okay!(sing it like My chemical romance's I'M NOT OKAY!)

awkward..really.

2010-12-27T11:23:00.000+08:00

regardless of the fact that you care or may not care, I am just gonna go ahead and share this anyway.

I FEEL AWKWARD at the moment.

FYI, I am the new receptionist at this office I am relocated in. This current receptionist applied for a long Christmas vacation and now I have to unwillingly stand in for her. The story goes that on a fatefull Thursday I was called in by the OM. I thought he was gonna lecture me on how unproductive I was this couple of month. Well, turns out he got something better in store for me. He asked me to stand in for this Cathrine as she was on a long Christmas holiday and there was no other candidate available to stand in at the other office. Now that is a sweet revenge.

I was immediately shifted to the new office that fateful afternoon. And my oh my, this place sucks! Regardless of the neat office and the nice exclusive toilet I get to use on my own (I am the only female there, mind you), I find it overwhelmingly boring. I can even hear myself think as I type. I think everyone can hear me type!

Arghh..the way everything is soo systematic and quiet somehow manage to drive me insane. But I think, the major problem is that it is way to quite and I feel as if I am being used. hahaha.

But, like I always say, when life give you lemon, you make lemonade. And in this case, I am surely counting the days on the calendar since next week is the last week I am going to be here.

Hurray for me!!

Verification my a**

2010-12-26T14:02:00.000+08:00

Damn this facebook thingy! I have been waiting patiently for the verification code and now my patience is running thin. FYI, it has been 4 days now..Maybe I should quit facebook-ing... sigh...

A letter to Santa

2010-12-24T22:28:00.000+08:00

Dear Santa,

I know people say crappy things about you. That you are a symbol of secular Christmas and a symbol of commercialism. But you know what, I don't care. I don't care if all you do is HO HO HO and break in houses to drink milk and cookies. I still wanna write you a letter, Santa. i still wanna believe that you are more than just a Christmas ornament or a guy with a costume and fake nylon beard. I still want you to know what my wish list is, Santa.

So, here goes:

1) I know this may sound weird Santa, but I was wondering if you could reverse the effect of global warming. Since you live in the North Pole, you might have the first hand experience on the thinning of the polar ice caps. Don't you feel alarmed about this issue? I hope you can come up with a device that makes ice so that you can help replace the melted ice caps thus reducing the effects of global warming

2) You know, the issue of malnutrition and famine has always been the case in most of the worlds poorest country. Don't you ever feel ashamed about not helping them? Is it because they don't have chimneys? Or is it because they didn't leave cookies and milk on the table? I thought you were a philanthropist and a humanist??

3) War is all over the news now. I know you can't change ideologies or minds of these people but I think if you could melt their cold hearts by giving them Christmas presents, maybe they wouldn't be soo cold towards each other.

4) Err...can I get a bag of money..like the bags they use to transfer money to banks? I thought it will save up your time trying to get me loads of stuff since I have a few stuff I yearn for. (By the way, I really want those oxfords and Instax!!)

5) Is it possible for you to melt people's heart? Make them more passionate, sensitive, emphatic and honest? Because, so far, I have encountered more evil people than I can count with my hands.

6) Can you make it snow in Miri? I know chances of me ever going to Europe is slim, so, I thought you bringing snow in Miri would be a thoughtful thing to do.

7) Can I pet Rudolph and go for a ride in your sleigh? Pretty please??

8) Can you book me a flight to KL so that I can go and meet up with my friends there?

9) Can you please make my skin less sensitive?

10) Can you help me find a job that suits me? I have been jobless for quite sometime now. I love it but I dont think its good for my future prospect as I was thinking of opening up a shelter for stray animals. ON second thought, you could give me a shelter for me to run.. someting like SPCA you know. It is for a good cause.

Okay Mr. Santa. I know, my list is kinda long. But you should know, girls tend to write longer than boys when it comes to wish list's. I am fully aware that I have not been really NiCE this year, but if you could grant all these wishes, I would be the happiest girl alive for quite a while.

So, please do consider all my wishes above.

Love,

PIKA

Pengumuman

2010-12-22T23:23:00.002+08:00

i know nobody is gonna care but I am gonna say it anyway..

Pengumuman: I deleted my old Facebook account.

Reason: Err..no more privacy these days..people are getting creepier by the day..With my new account I hope to screen out lamos and creeps I unintentionally added up!

Raucous!!

A day in kuching!

2010-12-21T15:53:00.001+08:00

Thank you all for all the lovely birthday wishes! I realize that time has always envied my existence thus birthday is always there to remind me that I am biologically deteriorating. Sounds pretty awe-full right?

Well, you know what they say, when life gives you lemonade, you make lemonade.

When life gives you time, make use of it!

I admit, over the years, I have made strings of impulsive decisions that doesn't really look good in my life resume. The most recent, PTPTN summon. HAHAHAHA. Procrastination has taken up a whole new form this time. And it is called COURT ORDER! Yes, I admit, I am a serial procrastinator as well. And I must say, this is by far the best achievement i have yet to gain. Mind you, I have 2 more debts to settle.Damn

I guess being 26 does lead me to realize that, in one point in life, you have to change for better. I mean, who else is going to take care of me if not myself. So, I need to evaluate every possible outcome of my actions so that my impulsive-ness wont get the best of me in future times.

Honestly, I have no plans for my future. I don't know what I am going to do after I finish up my practical. I am lost I guess. It is ashamed to admit at this age but I have no future prospect except for finding happiness for me and people around me. Sounds lame huh? But that is the truth.

My past decisions and repercussions has taught me not to put up hopes and expectations up to high in other people and in a situation. People around you can put up false hopes and promises and in the end you will be the one losing everything. Fallacy. Wake up people. There is no more good people left in this world. Often times we only wish for it, eventhough we know it ceases to exist.

Err..I digressed. What I mean to say that, every cloud does have a silver lining, and only you can find it. No one else can help you find it. Take time to realize that happiness comes from within, not people around you. They only mitigate the sense. So, wake up and smell the air. The world is always open. It is up for us to explore. I try not to limit myself in exploring new people at the moment. Because lately, I have this 'Im-Not-In-The-Mood-To-Meet-New-People' syndrome. I really got to shake this off and open myself up to tons of possibilities out there!

Warming-up world, here i come!

hotness...eva mendes.. like!

Im leaving

2010-12-16T08:31:00.002+08:00

Yesterday is history
Today is a new day
Tomorrow is a mystery

And tomorrow I am off to a new world
Full of surprises
And expectations

I come to mend this soul
And hope to find myself in the midst of this foreign land

This battered soul
Needs repair

This worn out soul
Needs uplifting

This soul needs strength
And courage
To face the monsters under the bed
Look it in the eye
And not be afraid

Tomorrow is full of hope and promises..

You probably like me...

2010-12-15T09:26:00.000+08:00

okay...how do you know if you like a person?

I mean, lets face it, sometimes we are tooo stupid or to proud to admit, that we actually might like that someone. You don't need rocket science to know you have been hit by Mr. Cupid's sniper-like shot.

I don't know why someone can be soo stupid as to let opportunity like that pass them by because as far as I am concerned, there is no right person, only the right time. So, who knows, this might be the right time for you to take a chance and risk everything. High risk investments are usually worth the steal you know..

So, just How do you know, when you like someone?

Err...

1)You talk about him/her 24/7. Soo much soo that your friends start barfing and starts carrying barf-brags. Just in case you start to seam him in every topic you talk about.

2) You constantly wish he/she was next to you. Even though you are with fun group of people and having a blast! Catch 22 sings it, you feel alone in a crowd.

3) You stalk his/her Facebook account! You feel angry and despise every post that the opposite sex posted on his/her Facebook. What a bitch!

4) You keep his/her text messages. Even if its a short one. Sometimes you find yourself reading it all over again. Oh God, now you admit it??NO?

5)You start to indulge in his/her passion or hobby or interest. Even if you used to hate/despise/indifferent such thing/activity before you met him/her. Don't worry, you're not a hypocrite. Just a hopeless romantic.

6) You suddenly like cheesy corny love songs. Suddenly you care what the lyric is all about. And suddenly you find yourself humming to these tunes..Scary eh? But...lets not hum to Justin Bieber..that's waaaaaaaaaayyyyyyy to hard for me to digest.

7) You check your phone like every 10minutes. Ehem, the phone has it's own way of telling you when there's an incoming message or incoming call. Its called ringtone! They even vibrate you caveman you!

8) You constantly think of him/her. Sometimes the thought of it just makes you smile. I know, it sounds overated but based on my research, interviews and experiences..this is soo lame yet soo true.

9) You fantasize and dream about how it would be if you were to be with him/her. And secretly you wish he/she would feel the same. Awwww..

10) You feel pathetic/stupid/lame/ weak but at the same time you feel alive!

I think there's more but I just come up with 10 because people usually come up with a list of 10 things or 5 or 20 but never 7 or 6 or 11. Right?

Nevermind that, but the point is, if you suffered one or more of this symptoms, clearly you are love-sick my friend. okay, maybe not love-sick but you do have feelings for him/her.

My advice, take time to know him/her first. Sometimes its just a crush or a probable lust. You don't want to end up ruining a great freindship or whatever it is you have going on.

Just enjoy the moment, take chances and learn to live. Bacause you know what? Life happens when you are busy calculating risk and hesitating!

Just dive in!

Bloody Vagina

2010-12-14T15:39:00.000+08:00

credits to http://jampackedbear.blogspot.com

Ouch!! It is one of those month again where I would be suffering from the occasional period pain. I hate it. Thanks to my mothers and sisters and the YY chromosome, period pain or dysmenorrhea is something I suffer every month.

For guys who doesn't know how it feels like, it kinda feels like abdominal pain but the pain comes and goes..and the intensity varies.And I think the feeling of uncomfortable makes womyn sometimes prone to moodswings. Imagine having to cope up with constant pain and wearing pads!

One might wonder why such a horrid feeling should happen to us female. Well, for those who missed out or bailed out on Biology, here is a crash-course lesson for you, you ignorant little prick!

Okay, so you do know, us female have this thing, called period, every month of our lives ever since we reach puberty right? Err, you do know puberty kan? It is when you suddenly woke up one day with hairs in all the weird places and boobies to match! And of course, as an exchange for your beautiful bosom, you are also bestowed with PERIOD!

One might question, why every month? why not once a year?why not every other day? or why..why does it bleed?? I was effing scared when I first got my period. Imagine! Blood coming out of your vagina!!Damn..it was a horrid experience for me. I remembered being embarrassed with my brothers and my dad. I was the first one to get my period, minus my mom laa...I didn't think it was fair for girls to be suffering form this..bleeding affair..every month. I felt as if my freedom was raped off me..

But..that was before I understood how my body really functioned and before I could accept that that was a normal cycle in a grrls life.

For those who don't know, us grrls produce eggs or ovum since the day we were born, Unlike boys, who only produced sperm upon reaching puberty. Upon puberty, or with the start of menstruation, the inner lining of the uterus, or the endometrium, builds up in preparation for ovulation or pregnancy. Okay this is the part when grrls really need to pay attention. Don't have sex without protection if you don't want to end up with a baby or an abortion. Because, when sperm reaches the ovum in the midst of ovulation, you will end up with a zygote sticking on the wall of your uterus you bitch! This zygote will mark the start of a new life inside your womb. So, fuck smart if you don't want to get fucked up.

However, in a normal menstruation or period, what happens is that your ovum, or egg (minus the yolk and the shell) doesn't get mashed up (or fertilized) by sperms. This means that you wont need to buy the pregnancy test kit at 7E but you will need to buy Libresse or tampons for a change.

What happens is that the current lining in the uterus starts to breakdown as it is no longer needed for the process of fertilization. The estrogen and progesterone hormone levels starts to decline (explains why pregnant mothers seem to have this glow), the uterus becomes swollen( explains the bloating before period), and total breakdown of the lining, which is being shed out of the uterus in the form of menstruation.

Still does not explain why period cramps are such a bugger?

Well, when the old uterine lining begins to break down, prostaglandins are released. These are molecular compounds which cause the uterus muscle to contract in order to block the blood supply (vasoconstriction) to the endometrium. When this happens, oxygen supply is cut down and this causes the once fertile and oxygen-rich endometrium to decay and slowly dies.

After the death of this tissue, the uterine contractions literally squeeze the old endometrial tissue through the cervix and out of the body by way of the vagina.The cramping sensation is a result of pieces of the dead tissues passing through the narrow cervical canal. Other substances known as leukotrienes, which are chemicals that play a role in the inflammatory response, are also elevated at this time and may be related to the development of menstrual cramps.

Why some people experience a more severe cramps? Its because different people have different levels of prostaglandins in endomentrium. I guess I have more of that mollecular compounds than most of my friends.

Well, that kinda explains everything right? Don't tell me it bores you...But now you know what, you can't really blame grrls who are moody when it comes to that period of the month again..Coz you and I both know now, that it gives you that crappy, dampness, down feeling..

weatherman

2010-12-03T10:27:00.000+08:00

you are like the morning sun that brings the cheer
and you are like the weather
so unpredictable
and perilous

you are my weatherman